Finding the Mountain

Do you ever question or challenge yourself?

Do you ever wonder where you are and how you fit in?

Do you ever just want to crawl back under the covers?

Do you ever want to scream from a mountain top?

Do you ever just want to jump out of your seat and laugh until you cry?

Do you ever take things personally but deep down know that it’s not about you at all?

I have found myself questioning and challenging all that I know about life, all that I know about love and all that I know about myself. I am okay with the challenge, as it connects me deeper to God, and deeper to the real truth that lies within.

These are words for my inner critic...and words for people who may or may not think them of me:

I am not sick. I am healing. This a powerful mantra of mine, and saying it helps me to believe it.

I am strong, even when you think I am not.

I am just me, simple me, without all the answers.

I am light, even if you see darkness.

I am love...even if you no longer need my love or want to give it to me.

Please let me cry. I will be sad if I need to be and my tears will dry.

I hear you say what you think I should do with my life. I hear you and I hear the call, but I don’t know my way yet. Will you help me?

Please notice the sparkle in my eye, and know that it is God shining its way, rippling outwards.

I will dance, and not even fully comprehend how I can.

I can take care of myself, but still need you to be at my side. Will you stay at my side?

I am walking a path of healing, and I invite you to walk alongside me. Will you come?

And I will climb that mountain even if you think I might run out of breath. So I invite you to tell me to “go” or tell me to “stay” – Either way, I will climb.

Something has shifted within me and it’s hard to explain sometimes, or perhaps I am doing just fine in explaining it. I understand who I am now. I see God everywhere, and not just at the front of the church. God is in my breath, and in the wind. God is in the earth and in the sun. God is in the bubble of hope and light that envelops me. God is in my beating heart and in the glow that resides in my soul. God is in you too.

I am okay. I am okay with my tough days and with my great days.

I am okay. I am okay with where I am. I do fit in. Our life’s journey is a puzzle and all of our pieces are needed.

So may you go ahead and crawl under your covers if you need them. Scream from the mountain top, and laugh until you cry. Dance and don’t worry what others think. Cry and let the tears dry on your cheeks. God is here, always...

©kekrul, April 12, 2012