http://www.stjohnsuc.ca/index.cfm?i=13869&mid=25&blogid=8106 An active member of St John's, Katharine runs a Nia studio (A Healing Way) in Georgetown, and is a certified Reiki Practitioner. She sometimes beautifies our worship services with prayerful dance. AdvancedMinistry Do you ever question or challenge yourself?Do you ever wonder where you are and how you fit in?Do you ever just want to crawl back under the covers?Do you ever want to scream from a mountain top?Do you ever just want to jump out of your seat and laugh until you cry?Do you ever take things personally but deep down know that it’s not about you at all? I have found myself questioning and challenging all that I know about life, all that I know about love and all that I know about myself.  I am okay with the challenge, as it connects me deeper to God, and deeper to the real truth that lies within. These are words for my inner critic...and words for people who may or may not think them of me:I am not sick. I am healing.  This a powerful mantra of mine, and saying it helps me to believe it.I am strong, even when you think I am not.I am just me, simple me, without all the answers.I am light, even if you see darkness.I am love...even if you no longer need my love or want to give it to me.Please let me cry.  I will be sad if I need to be and my tears will dry.I hear you say what you think I should do with my life. I hear you and I hear the call, but I don’t know my way yet.  Will you help me?Please notice the sparkle in my eye, and know that it is God shining its way, rippling outwards.I will dance, and not even fully comprehend how I can.I can take care of myself, but still need you to be at my side. Will you stay at my side?I am walking a path of healing, and I invite you to walk alongside me. Will you come?And I will climb that mountain even if you think I might run out of breath. So I invite you to tell me to “go” or tell me to “stay” – Either way, I will climb. Something has shifted within me and it’s hard to explain sometimes, or perhaps I am doing just fine in explaining it.  I understand who I am now. I see God everywhere, and not just at the front of the church. God is in my breath, and in the wind. God is in the earth and in the sun. God is in the bubble of hope and light that envelops me. God is in my beating heart and in the glow that resides in my soul. God is in you too. I am okay.  I am okay with my tough days and with my great days.I am okay.  I am okay with where I am.  I do fit in.  Our life’s journey is a puzzle and all of our pieces are needed.So may you go ahead and crawl under your covers if you need them. Scream from the mountain top, and laugh until you cry.  Dance and don’t worry what others think. Cry and let the tears dry on your cheeks.  God is here, always... http://www.stjohnsuc.ca/index.cfm?i=13869&mid=25&blogid=8106&comments=33495 33495 Thu, 12 Apr 2012 23:18:00 +0000 Our bodies can tell us when something is not quite right, often before we are able to name it. So may we listen and heal, listen and breathe, listen and love.       http://www.stjohnsuc.ca/index.cfm?i=13869&mid=25&blogid=8106&comments=32094 32094 Mon, 27 Feb 2012 10:03:00 +0000 It is hard to know what to say or do when someone is grieving...but when we pause and listen to God, it no longer seems hard.A few weeks ago I received a phone call that my friend’s daughter died very suddenly -I think my heart stopped beating for a moment or two. I hung up the phone and drove over to her home.  Her grown son answered the door.  I said, “Is your mom home?”  I heard this in the background....”don’t let her in, don’t let her in, I’m a wreck, I haven’t slept, I’m in my jammies.”  I took off my shoes and ran to her. I hugged her for what felt like an hour.  We cried. We cried. We cried.  I said a prayer, in my head, I think...as it seemed like there was a loss for words.  We talked about love and loss.  We talked about happiness and sadness.  We talked about going through the motions.  We talked about nothing, and our silences spoke volumes.I held her hand.  I held her.  And all the while, God held both of us.So, even though I didn’t have a plant or food or a card, I went anyways.  Even though I had no idea what to say or how to console my friend, I went anyways.  She wasn’t looking for food or greenery or words to read.  In that moment, she needed love and needed to be loved, as do all of us.I continue to phone her...as I promised I would.  I email her when I think of her, and I don’t put it off.  I put coffee on her doorstep when I’m driving by her home. She is not alone, and may she know it to be true. Oh, how we all long to not feel alone.God is calling me to be a vessel.  He has been calling me consistently and I am listening. I am not sure I always know the answers, but I do know that I need to listen. I know that when I speak, or write or dance, a shift takes place. I don’t understand the shift yet, but maybe I’m not supposed to get it.  Somehow I get taken to a higher place where I can “be” a child of God.  Not too long ago, I realized that I am always a child of God...always...and this makes my soul smile.January.  This is “the” month...the one that changed my life. My Dad suddenly passed away and two days later I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. Yes, I have MS, but I pray to God and the heavens above that this disease will never, ever have me. Dad, I know you are watching me from the heavens. I feel you in the raindrops and the snowflakes when they fall from the sky. I hear you in the birds. I see you in my reflection.  I sense you when I dance.  Dad, God told me something...that you died so I could live – so I could be a light to others. I’ve never been a light to anyone before but I trust you God.  I trust in the call.  I miss you Dad, and I thank you for my life.God will say all that needs to be said. And through the silences, God’s love will shine a light upon us.  God’s love will wrap us in peace and reassure us of our own breath.  God will hold us through the grief and be there to help us find our smile again.God is calling your name...do you hear the call? Are you listening to the call, and do you know what to do with the call? http://www.stjohnsuc.ca/index.cfm?i=13869&mid=25&blogid=8106&comments=30784 30784 Thu, 12 Jan 2012 22:51:00 +0000 I was asked to offer a prayer of blessing over the poinsettias.  Each year, members of our church can purchase a poinsettia in memory of a loved one no longer with us.  And each year, our sanctuary is enveloped in beautiful flowers.  I read this prayer of mine at Sunday’s service... I see beautiful red poinsettias throughout our space today.  They are scattered about...before us, behind us and around us.  To me, it’s like scattered memories and reminders of loved ones who aren’t with us this season.  To me, it’s like breathing in the beauty of something growing with the sun’s light and rain from the heavens.  To me, it’s watching something grow, and knowing that life doesn’t stop or rewind.....even when we want it to.  To me, it’s like hanging onto Peace, and sensing Spirit filling our souls with beautiful colours.  To me, it’s knowing there are roots in the bottom of each of these pots, like connections to who we are and who we might become. Dear God, thank you for the sun today.  Thank you for being present to each one of us, even when we forget sometimes that You are at our side.  Thank you for the memories of our Loved Ones....thank you for the gift of their presence in our lives, even if they left our side before we were ready.  Spirit, when we wake up wishing for one more day, may You hold us gently, hold us always, surrounding us in Your love.  Please God, continue to show us that our Loved Ones can be found deep within our hearts, in our smiles, in our tears, on each breath that we take, and in the flowers enveloping us this day. Peace and Love to all this season.  Amen. http://www.stjohnsuc.ca/index.cfm?i=13869&mid=25&blogid=8106&comments=30221 30221 Tue, 20 Dec 2011 22:36:00 +0000 ...inspired by my friend whose grandson had to write one of these at school.... I am from grilled cheese sandwiches in the basement at Simpson’sI am from playing hide and seek until the street lights came onI am from riding my bicycle to and from a softball practiceI am from the hill in New Brunswick from our home down to the waterI am from sitting alone in the halls in high schoolI am from writing songs and poems about myselfI am from sitting by my poolI am from not ever learning to do the front crawlI am from sitting on my bed to do my homeworkI am from watching Gilligan’s Island with my brother and walking together to the ice cream shopI am from babysitting with my sister and playing dolls in the treeI am from being a middle child and not always knowing my placeI am from falling off my bike and not remembering howI am from playing school during the teachers’ strikeI am from Yorkshire puddings and roasted potatoesI am from a mom who cares about her familyI am from learning to play cards with my DadI am from learning to breathe as an infantI am from forgetting to breathe during my teensI am from re-learning to breathe once againI am from being really super scared and really super brave, at the same timeI am from keeping my cupboards organized but not letting it keep me up at nightI am from few friends who are my best friendsI am from doors that close and windows that openI am from listening and honesty, from trust and compassionI am from finding the balance in lifeI am from a husband who loves all of meI am from tea and warm blankets on my feetI am from sand between my toes and hoping for moreI am from wishes and prayersI am from running out of time and from having all the time in the worldI am from dancing in my head, to dancing in my churchI am from an endless supply of tearsI am from a smile that comes from my soulI am from singing my daughters to sleep and from our snuggles in the morningI am from the dirt in my garden shoesI am from receiving a diagnosisI am from not allowing that diagnosis to have meI am from watching my Dad live and then watching him dieI am from love.I am from God. http://www.stjohnsuc.ca/index.cfm?i=13869&mid=25&blogid=8106&comments=29669 29669 Wed, 30 Nov 2011 00:00:00 +0000 When it snows on my garden.... Sedum; dark red and rubbery leaves Roses; flowers no more, but still I see the thorns Grasses, brown not green, but plumes oh so very delicate as they blow in the wind Butterfly Bush; dark purple flowers now just a memory Hydrangea; gigantic white flower heads, drying and crumbling Japanese Maple; the branches are bare now, and the leaves sit on my walkway not quite ready to blow away from me Irises; variegated, fragrant, purple and white, yellow and orange – trimmed greens waiting to surprise me next spring Dawn Redwood Tree; copper feathery leaves, sitting in the earth now As I wait for the first snow fall, I watch my garden as it slowly comes to rest.  The grasses are dried up now...but I leave them, so that I will see them all winter long.  My trees are bare, leaves at their feet. I can’t wait for it to snow!!  Why, you ask? I don’t ski, or snowboard.  My feet are always cold.  I wear thick winter coats.  I sit under blankets and use a heating pad.  But when it snows, it reminds me of my Dad.  My garden is one of the places I go to heal, but in the late fall and winter, my garden is resting, so there’s not much for me to do here. I miss my Dad.  He helped me plant my entire garden just 4 months before he suddenly passed away. I remember digging in the earth with him. I remember us sharing tools, sharing laughs and drinking tea under the autumn sun. So, you see....I can’t wait for it to snow.  The snow is God’s way of connecting us to the heavens. “With the snowflakes all around, it feels like heaven reaching down, to tell us here on earth we’re not alone.” Amy Sky – I sang this piece of music at church. When it snows, I look up to God with thanks for the reminder that my Dad is watching over me.  The snow and the cold, asking us to pause, to move with care, to re-group, to rest, and to recharge. When you look closely, may you notice that each snowflake is different.  So many angels falling gently onto our shoulders, into our hair, onto our tongues, and covering our gardens in a blanket of love...connecting us to God, to Spirit, and to the heavens.  May your senses be filled and overflowing upon the first snowfall, the last snowfall, and all that fall in between. http://www.stjohnsuc.ca/index.cfm?i=13869&mid=25&blogid=8106&comments=29332 29332 Wed, 16 Nov 2011 23:30:00 +0000 Today, I proctored a two hour exam in Toronto.  I brought my favourite book with me... “There’s a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem” by Wayne Dyer.  This book grabs me, and pulls me in, each time I pick it up.  Today was no exception.  I re-read pages upon pages about energy and high vibrations, and how we are attracted to people who are uplifting.  It’s about placing our focus and energy on the things we want in life, and not placing our focus and energy on the things we don’t want.  After the exam was finished, I headed back to my office in Mississauga. It was almost noon hour and I was hungry, so I stopped for lunch at an outdoor strip mall. I stepped inside to the sound of the chef clinking his cooking utensils as he cooked up the vegetables.  I ordered my meal and watched him cook my food.  Little did I know what was going to happen next. The man behind the counter, pick up a metal can of spices and shook them over the veggies, but he tapped the can with his spatula, which resulted in sounds and vibrations and overtones. He did it deliberately and with intent. I instantly got goosebumps. He said to me, “Did you hear the high sounds reverberating? That’s energy.” I said, “Yes, I did.” He said that he likes to use sound to raise the energy level in his restaurant. I smiled from ear to ear, and told him I completely understood. Then, from behind the stove, he held up his hands and drew a wide circle around me, and said to me that I was surrounded in a beautiful light, and am drawn to higher frequencies.  He said that the light around me is being sent out to others.  I was simultaneously stunned and humbled and amazed at this experience at my pit stop for lunch. How is it that I happened upon a man who would speak of the same things that I had read about just thirty minutes earlier? This book, that continues to call my name...first spoke to me after my Dad passed away in 2009.  About two and a half years ago, I headed out to my choir rehearsal, but I left early for some reason or another.  On my way to choir, I stopped in our local mall and dropped into the bookstore.  I picked this book off the shelf and turned it over...on the back, were the words of the “Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi”.  – the same words that I sang at my Dad’s memorial service just two weeks prior to my bookstore visit. I knew this book was meant for me to read. This book was meant for me to breathe into my soul.  This book was meant for me to embrace in my heart. This book was meant for me to keep reading. Life’s lessons are sometimes wrapped up in little reminders.  Sometimes it takes several reminders to realize we are being taught something. Are you called to look at something over and over again?  A book?  The moon?  Your garden? http://www.stjohnsuc.ca/index.cfm?i=13869&mid=25&blogid=8106&comments=29130 29130 Thu, 10 Nov 2011 00:05:00 +0000 This morning, after dropping off my girls at school, I was heading south on the Ninth Line, when suddenly my car was surrounded by fog. I could see the sunshine trying to push its way through, but today the fog was winning. I kept on driving but my pace was much slower. Then off in the distance I saw mama horse and her baby nuzzling each other. I love this intersection in the road, and I often see them together...but today I loved it even more. That beautiful fog and the yellow sunshine were threading ribbons of unconditional love and hope upon the dark silhouettes. What I saw, is what I feel when I’m in the fog...whether physically, emotionally, spiritually or mentally...the fog asks us to slow down, watch closely, take our time, and soon it will be clear and the light will return once again. http://www.stjohnsuc.ca/index.cfm?i=13869&mid=25&blogid=8106&comments=28835 28835 Tue, 1 Nov 2011 20:58:00 +0000 Hold your breath; Catch your breath; Baby’s breath; It will take your breath away; Breathe a sigh of relief; Take a deep breath; Breathe in; Breathe out; Breath of life. Most of the time we don’t notice when or how we are breathing.  I invite you to pause for a moment and just notice your breath...without changing anything.  Are you breathing quickly?  Slowly?  Shallow?  Deep?  Now, take a moment and think about your breath and what happens when you breathe in.  Your belly expands; your lungs expand; and your shoulders may even lift a little bit.  This instant of breathing in, is a gift.  Did you know that? May you be thankful for the breath that nourishes your body and calms your mind.  Imagine healing and health with each inhale, and then imagine exhaling all that does not serve you: negative thoughts; old patterns and behaviours; disease and illness.  See it, breathe it and believe it to be so.  And when you do, may you notice a little smile in the corners of your lips, and in the deep pockets of your soul. I have become deeply aware of my breath and its connection to my life, my emotions and my spirit.  My breath feels like a bridge connecting my body to my thoughts; connecting what is to what isn’t; connecting being to doing...but mostly I sense a connection to God when I breathe, each and every time. I feel the connection between God and myself.  There was a time in my life when I thought that God was “way over there”, but now I know that God’s breath is our breath; God’s hands are our hands, and God’s voice is our voice. God is within us all. “Breathe on me, Breath of God, fill me with life anew, that I may love what thou dost love, and do what thou wouldst do.”  Text: Edwin Hatch Are you thinking about your breath now? And does it make you smile?  http://www.stjohnsuc.ca/index.cfm?i=13869&mid=25&blogid=8106&comments=28792 28792 Mon, 31 Oct 2011 22:29:00 +0000 A week or so ago, I looked out my window and saw my tree with all its leaves on the ground.  But yet it stood so strong, rooted in the earth and branches reaching for the heavens. I had been having a rather vulnerable day...feeling as if my integrity was being questioned. Emotions were surfacing and so I prayed.  This is when I noticed my tree.  The tree was my counsellor. It invited me to stop and breathe and feel... I stood up and imagined I, too, was a tree. My feet firmly planted on Mother Earth, and my arms outstretched to the sky above. I moved and swayed as if Spirit Wind were passing through my living room. And I looked to the floor underneath me, recognizing that sometimes our leaves need to fall off too.  Sometimes these leaves of ours blow around, and every so often a leaf hangs on when all the others have blown away.I walked out of the room that day feeling content about how I was feeling.  I was reminded in that brief moment that emotions and thoughts always come and I can choose to hold onto them or let them drop to the floor and blow away with the wind. May this day offer us a connection to something far greater than ourselves.  May we breathe in the gift of understanding and not understanding, knowing that either is fine, and knowing that we “are” because God “is”. I invite you to stop and look today.  What do you see? http://www.stjohnsuc.ca/index.cfm?i=13869&mid=25&blogid=8106&comments=28495 28495 Mon, 24 Oct 2011 15:38:00 +0000